A no-brainer


Dettori was injured by a firework
Image by Charley Taylor


The Innuit have hundreds of words for 'snow', but did you know that the British have almost as many for the word 'stupid' ?


fool. nincompoop. dunce. dullard. ignoramus...


And so-on...


You have probably heard of the 'cashless society', the one that uses every conceivable way of paying for goods or services except for employing the use of actual money, but have you heard about the 'brainless society'? This is the one that uses every conceivable way of going about their daily business without actually employing their brain.


And it's a growing trend. From organisations like fish farms, that allow tens of thousands of its giddily-medicated animals to escape into the ocean, to nature 'stewards' like NatureScot that actively teach people how to hunt beavers and licence many more to kill everything from Wrens to Herons, many are in the grip of thoughtless behaviour.


It doesn't, apparently, require special skill, just the ability to wake up in the morning and go about one's daily business in a state of sublime ignorance to everything around you.


You may have heard about Dettori, a 21 year-old horse in Aberdeenshire who lost his right eye last Thursday due to being hit by a firework, apparently from an 'organised' display. Already traumatised in his younger life, he managed to survive a rocket being sent in his direction by someone who subscribes to a brainless regime. It doesn't matter that Police Scotland say that '...the intention was never to harm...' The fact is that harm was caused. I wonder if Chief Inspector Darren Bruce would be saying the same thing if it had been a child with a hole in their face instead of a horse?


The Scottish government wants to limit who can get hold of fireworks on the basis that giving people access to gunpowder in a tube is probably not a good thing. They propose licencing and training.


I would like go a step further, if I may, and propose life-screening. This would involve using a new invention of mine called a twitometer which measures one's ability to get through life without killing or injuring or in any way harming things one comes across. I can see it being universally employed to screen out those in society that have the thought processes of a bacterium. The only problem would be where to send those found to be infected with idiocy.

In 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy', the answer was found in packing the entire section of useless society into several giant spaceships and sending them on a one-way journey to a distant planet (unfortunately that planet was the proto-Earth) but nevertheless the idea was sound.

However in the absence of technology like that we must consider sending the rejects somewhere closer to home; McDonalds, perhaps, or maybe the local library where the damage they can cause is limited. Don't feel too sorry for these people, though, because it is highly likely they will also find useful employment within the ranks of government agencies.


Alas it is too late for the likes of poor Dettori and the countless lives shaped by the passage of people who do not care.


At the very least we can all help this animal in its' time of need:

Help Dettori